First entry….cause I can’t sleep

Here’s my first real entry here.  I was laying here not sleeping so i figure why not take another shot it this blog thing. this weekened I’ll put some work into working out the ins and outs of making an audio blog, so by monday my voice should be audible for the internet. However since I can’t sleep right now, I figured I’d blog the old fashion way via the keyboard.

Not much is going on though my head right this second. Sure the regualar stuff…. “I wonder with who and when will be the next time I have sex”….” Should I get some Popeys Chicken tomorrow after work or should I just go buy a chicken and fry is myself in the deep frier”…”I wonder if we’re going to acutally make our sales goal  next month at work”….”I wonder with who and when will be the next time I have sex”…”Will any there be a movie as good as The Dark Knight”…”I wonder what the weekend holds”…”I wonder with who and when will be the next time I have sex”…. the regular stuff.

Today I thought again about the possibility of actually doing the relationship thing. I was wondering if it’s something I could actualy feel comfortable with. Sure I do enjoy companionship, but I do enjoy my own space. I look at other people’s relationships  and I can’t see myself engaging in the mind games and restrictions that seem to go along with relationships. However it would be nice to have  conversations, as well as regular sex, with some one I was compatible with. I just wish there wasn’t the trade off. I mean why should I have to trade my sanity,and personal space for decent conversation and regular fulfilling sex?

Speaking of sex I was thinking about how not fulfilling the last sexual encounter I had was. Maybe I set my expectations too high, then again I wasn’t really interested in the woman other than some slight physical attraction. As I get older I am realizing that I indeed to have a “type” of woman that I am more attracted to than others. I used to tell myself that I really didn’t have a type, but I think that was wrong. Also It probably did more harm than good because i never really focused in on what it was I was really attracted to. Thus the situation with the last female I has sexual contact with. I should have known from her personality how that was going to go. She exhibited very little sex appeal, and her disposition was also aggressively condescending and  oppositional.  She did have nice thighs and was slightly more attractive on those rare occasions when she smiled but that’s about it.  I suppose I was settling for what was available instead of searching out what I really wanted. i wonder why I have such a hard time settling for things in every other part of my life but when it comes to women I seem to have no problem settling.

I’ve also  have been contemplating goign backto school again… Every couple of  weks or so I  re-think this idea.  If I do  go back I’m sure it would be for Pshycology.  However, I’m still not completly conviced that this would really be a benfit.  I hae to figure out a way to acurately meausure the effect fo going to graduate school…Would it really be a life changing experience. I wonder if my company would pay for it? I’ll look into that tomorrow, maye that would help me finally put this issue to bed in my mind.